


Voice in my head

by Historymaker99



Category: Avengers, Captain America, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, Heavy Feels, One Shot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 14:37:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18523567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Historymaker99/pseuds/Historymaker99
Summary: These are the thoughts going through Steve’s head after witnessing Bucky falling from the train.





	Voice in my head

Remember me Remember me

Steve sits at the bar his back hunched as he’s deep in thought and lost in memories, haunting memories of his friend that he just watched die before his very eyes. He feels like a piece of him is missing that something has hollowed inside of him a piece he can never get back and somebody who will never return. Never again will he see that cheeky grin or hear his stupid puns or the cheesy one liners he tries to use on girls of course bucky was always a lady’s man. He takes a swig from the glass sitting in front of him and after the last drop is drained from The cup he gives a heartbroken chuckle as he feels no different than when he began drinking. “well it appears that I Can’t get drunk” he mutters. “Nothing left to wash out the pain I just wish it would just go away”.

James Buchanan Barnes Steve Rogers best friend since childhood. They had met at school when Bucky had rescued Steve from the school bullies. He still remembers Bucky reaching his hand out to help Steve up from the dirt. “Thanks I’ve seen you around school your name is James right”? Bucky scoffs. “Yeah that’s my name but my friends call me bucky so call me that”. “Okay nice to meet you bucky”.

They were inseparable from staying over at each other’s houses on weekends to Bucky trying to teach Steve how to fend off bullies but that sadly never worked. “How many times have I told you punk to not go around picking fights” Bucky says as he hands a rag to Steve so he can wipe his bloody nose. “They were kicking a puppy buck I couldn’t stand by”. Bucky sighs. “Okay I’m going to let that one slide but if you ever get into another scrape just yell and I’ll be there”. “Okay whatever you protective jerk”. “Hey man I’m just looking out for you cause I’m with you till the end of the line”. “I know I know”.

When they started dating gals Steve never seems to get a date and when he tried to double date with Bucky it seems to never work out. One time the girl left early and Bucky was still on his date with a pretty red haired dame named Dolores. “I’m just going to be a third wheel buck”. “Nonsense can’t have you sitting home alone on a Friday night”. “Thanks Bucky you don’t mind do you Dolores”? “No of course not”. They ended up going to the carnival where Bucky ended up spending three dollars trying to win a stuffed doll for Dolores. In the end bucky and Steve had to ride home in the back of a freezer truck because they were broke and had to no money for the bus but they had the best time joking around trying to make sure they didn’t freeze in the cooler to the truck. 

Steve’s heart twists as he thinks of when his mom died and how bucky was there for him even then. “Hey you know you could always come stay with me at my place”. “I know bucky but I’m an adult I don’t need to come and be taken care”. “I’m just saying my house is open if you need to come over you don’t have to do this alone besides I’m with you till the end of the line”. Steve gives a small smile. “Thanks buck”.

The line washes over Steve’s brain on repeat and each time he can see bucky with that huge smirk on his face that confident gate he had the only friend Steve felt like he had in the world that really had his back and now he was gone forever.

It felt like only yesterday that he had picked a fight in the alley behind the movie theater. Yeah the guy was being a jerk about the troops but why did he do it? “You gonna give up” the guy had said. Steve shakes his head and gives his usual retort, “I could do this all day”. Bucky comes in and kicks the guy who is punching Steve out of the alley. “Hey pick on someone your own size go on get out of here”. “You get drafted” Steve asks looking up to see bucky wearing the army uniform a grim look on his face. “Sergeant James Barnes the 107th shipping out for England first thing tomorrow”. 

The scene replayes in his head of Bucky falling from the train and in to that icey frozen chasm. if only he could have reached out a bit further and pulled him to safety. The person who felt more like a brother than a friend was dead and Steve felt like it was partially his fault and there was nothing Steve felt like he could ever do to make himself feel any better. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through life without you buck”. Steve pours himself another tall glass of alcohol. “Maybe this glass will do the trick” he whispers tipping back the glass as the alcohol burns as it rushes down his throat, when he knows full well in his heart that thanks to the super serum coursing through his veins it is really no use and he wished he had died right along with Bucky so he wouldn’t have to feel all this bitterness, anger, and regret but there is still a war that must be fought and he has to be strong so he can help peggy and Howard and all the other troops take down hydra and the men that threaten his country and for the sake of the world win this forsaken battle. If not for himself then Steve would fight to avenge bucky and fight in his honor to make sure he didn’t die for nothing and hopefully he would always be remembered as the only howling commando to give up his life for his country. 

“If that’s best that I can be then I’ll be another memory can I be the only hope for you cause you’re the only hope for me alone”.

**Author's Note:**

> How I got the idea for this fanfic was that I shuffled my playlist of songs on my phone and the song this is based on is the only hope for me is you by my chemical romance (although it gives me a lot of ghost of you by my chemical romance vibes as well)


End file.
